


You're Ruining My Fucking Yoga

by knave_of_swords



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Break Up, F/M, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Black Eagles Route, GTA!Byleth, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kink Meme, Male My Unit | Byleth, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:38:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24990160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knave_of_swords/pseuds/knave_of_swords
Summary: Idyllic retirement hasn't suited Byleth well. He's always preferred to be out routing bandits, and continues to do so, much to Edelgard's dismay. Every marriage has its rough patches, but one day they get into a particularly savage argument about it, and Byleth ends up saying the worst possible thing with a particularly insensitive remark about Edelgard's childhood torture and captivity.
Relationships: Edelgard von Hresvelg/My Unit | Byleth
Comments: 8
Kudos: 19
Collections: FE3H Kink Meme





	You're Ruining My Fucking Yoga

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: 
> 
> https://3houseskinkmeme.dreamwidth.org/1608.html?thread=2028104#cmt2028104
> 
> The GTA V video modded to have FE3H character models that I pulled a lot of this from: 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0REbr8m1gw
> 
> Disclaimer: I promise I have nothing against mByleth or Edeleth, this isn't meant to be a character/ship bashing fic, but I kinda like the FE3H GTA V videos and thought it would be fun to write this sort of blowup argument.

"There you are," Edelgard says sharply as Byleth stumbles into their cottage late at night. It had been a long day of routing bandits. Of course Edelgard was still awake to berate him about it. He rolls his eyes, knowing that she couldn't see his face as he closed the door behind him.

"Miss me?" Byleth asks with a smirk as he turns around to face her. She's scowling at him, her arms crossed.

"Please don't tell me that you were out there killing bandits again," she pleads, her eyes falling to Byleth's blood-soaked greaves. Byleth just shrugs.

"Okay, I won't," he replies, and strides towards the kitchen to grab himself a drink. Edelgard follows him, but manages to grab the bottle first. Byleth thinks she's going to put it away, but instead she pours herself a glass and looks at him expectantly. "What?" he asks. Edelgard narrows her eyes and sets her glass down. 

"We are _retired_ ," she begins, a hard edge to her voice, "but you are either drunk, staring _miserably_ at the clouds, or you're out there doing who knows what. We are supposed to be enjoying a peaceful life in this new world I created! Not killing more people!" Byleth scoffs.

"Oh yeah, I've been _terrible_ to you," he sneers. " _Your_ new world? You're only still here, alive, because of me. I won you the fucking war. Don't even think about trying to argue that. You said as much yourself, back then. All you have to worry about now is what pastry or cake you want to have after dinner." Edelgard's face twists. She starts walking away, out of the kitchen.

"Fuck you, Byleth," she calls out behind her. He smirks. She knows he's right. Byleth can't resist continuing to press his advantage. He's pissed, too. He won her that damn war by fighting, and _now_ she wants him to put down his sword? No fucking way.

"Oh, but you won't," he yells towards her as he moves to grab the bottle she had left behind. Edelgard quickly turns around. Ha. He knows that she could never let anyone else get the last word in an argument.

"I was faithful to you!" she yells at him, leaning towards him. They were physically closer than they had been in days. "Until I found you balls deep in a hooker!" Byleth shrugs and takes a swig out of the bottle. "I ought to divorce you! You are nothing but a lying, murdering, cheating hypocrite!" Edelgard's voice shifts from angry to distraught as she raises her hands in mock surrender. "Thank you, Byleth Whatever-The-Fuck-Your-Last-Name-Actually-Is! You have ruined my serenity yet again. My yoga is fucked!"

"You and your fucking yoga!" Byleth yells, slamming down the bottle of alcohol. "I don't even know what the _fuck_ yoga is!"

"You never care about any of my fucking hobbies! I have told you about my yoga multiple times! It's from Almyra and helps me relax!"

"And you know I don't give a shit!" Byleth raises his hands, too, but in mock helplessness. "You're always telling me about shit I don't care about. Politics, your nightmares, your stupid fucking yoga!" There's several beats of silence after he finishes yelling. Byleth had been expecting Edelgard to yell right back at him, but she only fixes him with an icy cold glare. When she speaks again, her voice is quiet and eerily calm.

"You never gave a shit about my nightmares?" Her voice rises as she speaks, but her eyes never leave his. Anger boils in Byleth's chest. He gives her so much, but she could never look past the little things. It always has to be about _her_.

"It happened decades ago! How are you still getting nightmares about those dungeons?" Byleth slams his hands down on the table between them. "Do you even remember your siblings outside of that dungeon?" He glares back at her, refusing to blink. 

Byleth can't tell how long they spend frozen in place like that before the moment shatters. Maybe he shifts a bit, or Edelgard needs that long to process what he had said. But the moment shifts, and Edelgard's face contorts with rage and her eyes suddenly look especially shiny.

"Get out," she says, her voice so low that Byleth can barely hear her. He doesn't move. "Get out!" She yells louder this time. "Get out of my fucking house!" She's screaming now.

"It's my house, too!" Byleth yells back.

"Fine!" Edelgard yells. She turns around and heads towards the door, and then stops. She's only in a nightgown. Byleth smirks. This was going to go how all their arguments went. They yell at each other, Edelgard storms off to her room, she cools down after an hour or two, and then they have make-up sex. But this time, Edelgard starts putting on her boots that are sitting by the door. Byleth frowns. 

"What are you doing?" He asks. "You can't just _leave_ , it's nighttime and cold outside and you're half-dressed."

"Oh, so _now_ you care about my well-being," Edelgard scoffs. She's put on her boots. She heads towards their bedroom, and Byleth follows her. "Don't try to stop me. I may have needed help winning a war, but I can still take you in a fight." Byleth scowls. She wasn't wrong. If he had his sword, he would have better odds against her, but if it came to unarmed force, he wouldn't be able to stop her. Not when her only objective would be to leave, not to subdue him.

Edelgard is pulling on a heavy coat, and putting some of her things in a knapsack. She moves towards him and glares, and it takes Byleth a second to realize he's in her way. He considers trying to stop her anyways. No. Better to let her do whatever the hell she was planning on, so she could regret it later and come crawling back to him. He moves out of her way.

"Bye!" he calls out towards her back. "Come back when you've let off some steam! I'll still be here!" Edelgard pauses at the door for a moment, but doesn't look back towards him, or even acknowledge that he had said anything, before she opens it and walks out, slamming it shut. 

Somehow, the house already feels more empty, even more than when Edelgard was just out visiting the local village. Byleth scowls and heads back towards the kitchen. Whatever. She'd be back, soon enough. She always comes back to him. May as well get a drink or three in while he finally has some peace and quiet.


End file.
